Dan Wakes Up Screaming

34: The End… OR IS IT? - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Tue, 10 Oct 2017 14:19:08 +0000

Good news: Fed’s wife had a baby! Bad news: this podcast is pretty much roadkill, at least for now.

This final, rambling epic of a session is most likely the last version of this show in its current form. Dan Wakes Up Screaming produced 61 episodes over four years, and we wish we could tell you that we left the world in better shape than when we started out, but you know how it is.

Here’s the main thing: we’ve got an idea for a new show, and as soon as we can all get in the same room for an hour, we hope to start recording it. It won’t be soon, but it won’t be impossibly far off either, so don’t delete this feed, continue discussing us with your podcast-listening friends, and keep rating us on iTunes, early and often.

From Dan and the other two fellows: many happy returns.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

Baby Baby Baby by Barreracudas

Fighting Muzak by Elvis Herod

The Dogs Of Corporate America by Schemawound

Fatherhood by Tha Silent Partner

At the Gym by Glove Compartment

Pee-Pee-Maw-Maw by Greg Houwer

Chock Fool of Nuts by Guinea Worms

Dumb Baby by The Coathangers

Denver by Blah Blah Blah

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33.2: Next Year on Mars - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Wed, 28 Jun 2017 20:05:23 +0000

The fellows meet a legend from the 70s psych-jazz scene and find themselves mixed up in a supernatural grudge match between immortal super-villains. Also Dan ran some sort of race. Episode thirty-three of Dan Wakes Up Screaming is available for your listening pleasure.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“(I Need Ya) L.O.V.E” by Fernando

“Horror” by Gardenella

“sweet and lowdown” by Duke Hugh

“Paris (Stereoboy Remix)” by LASERS

“Lift Off” by Toxic Chicken

“Spacey Build” by Ryan Cullinane

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33.1: Ham Smugglers - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Wed, 14 Jun 2017 06:01:47 +0000

Brian tours the Iberian Peninsula and commits a tasty felony, Dan fails out of spitting lessons, and Fed, well, God bless Fed. It’s Episode 33.1 of Dan Wakes Up Screaming!

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“We Got A Runner” by 1donotuse

“The Runner” by David Szesztay

“Listen, Lisbon (Instrumental)” by Loch Lomond

“Words 2 Say” by Graphic Antics

“God Bless His Mess” by Buskerdroid

“Pig” by Dyman

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32.2: Breaking News: Melania Trump is an Umbrella - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Thu, 25 May 2017 11:46:20 +0000

You heard it here first, and let us remind her lawyers, before they come for us, how hard it will be to prove that she is not in fact an umbrella. Good luck, counselors.

In other news, the wild dogs of Sochi have mostly taken over Russia, Dan is seriously interested in the scent of honeysuckle, and the concept of pet ownership should be impeached. What are your thoughts, America? Click the big button and let us know!

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Can You Kiss Me First (Synthwave Cover)” by Herr Doctor

“Pork Chop Ballet” by Ergo Phizmiz

“Dimension Dash” by Fabian Measures

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32.1: Fonzie vs. Fonzie - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Mon, 08 May 2017 15:00:48 +0000

This episode was recorded on the first of April, so there is a lot of chat about pranks which is probably no longer seasonally appropriate. Other matters discussed include Fed’s eccentric alternatives to coffee cups, Brian’s attempted relations with twenty somethings, and Dan’s intense emotional reaction to Fed not remembering watching Tango and Cash with him. Please enjoy, share, and rate part one of Episode Thirty Two of Dan Wakes up Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Fools” by The Pop Winds

“Bicycle” by The Hate Noise

“Villainy Thrives” by Dyslexic Fudgicle

“Puddle Hoppin” by Anitek

“Foolin’” by Nando

“Such A Stupid Fool” by Expert Alterations

“I Can’t Stop Being Foolish” by The Mint Chicks

“Good Night Heart” by My Bubba & Mi

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31.2: Exclusive Presidential Interview - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Tue, 21 Mar 2017 12:24:46 +0000

In what is likely to result in millions of downloads and at least one Pulitzer, we have scored the ultimate podcast get: an exclusive interview with a POTUS. It is not unlike when Mark Maron sat down with Obama, although the president that we were able to get is of decidedly lower quality.

Phone the neighbors and wake the kids: it’s the conclusion of Episode Thirty One of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Country Boy” by Rodd Keith and the Raindrops

“Delicious peanut” by Xerak

“Edge Of The Ocean” by Ivy

“Gay_Bar_videogame” by The Wildbunch

“Cthulu Rises” by Dark Asylum Music

“Twit JournalisT” by Alaclair Ensemble

“The Declaration of Independance” by Cullah

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31.1: The Only Living Dan in New York - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Tue, 07 Mar 2017 17:04:46 +0000

Dan recently celebrated a birthday, which he refers to as “the saddest day of the year.” If you see a gaunt, haunted man staring blankly out a Brooklyn window in February, odds are that’s Dan. Do us a favor Dan, and dial nine whine whine, ’cause that’s the number for the waaaambulance, you know what I’m saying? I considered naming this episode “Dan Wakes Up Weeping.”

If all that doesn’t sound appealing, we also we compare nosebleed stories. Enjoy!

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Lost Children” by Post Human Era

“Cherry Dump Cake” by half cocked

“Dizzy ke Peeche” by Martinibomb

“Blood On Your Face” by OBN IIIs

“I Made Out by Love Story” In Blood Red

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30: Bad Mood Edition - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Fri, 17 Feb 2017 15:57:53 +0000

This episode was recorded the day of the Women’s March, which already seems like sepia-toned ancient history. Even then, a mere twenty-four hours into our nation’s current horror, we were already too outrage-fatigued to notice that Executive Branch necromancers had animated the wretched corpse of Lee Greenwood with dark magics. Why isn’t it more of a scandal that Jeff Sessions is clearly an undead sorcerer of some kind?

In other news: Dan fights the timber wolves of Quebec, Brian sympathizes with a skinhead acquaintance from high school, and Fed doesn’t think cats should vape. We’ll be honest America, this one gets a little weird.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Resiste!” by el zombi flash

“Pussy Footin” by Rye Coalition

“Fuck This Fucking Bullshit (PHIKTION REMIXX)” by Pot-C

“Back Stairs” by Podington Bear

“Bad Dog” by Bad Ronald

“Quebec” by Don Bikoff

“High On Desire (French version)” by Sky Parade

“Sad French Accordion” by Dana Boulé

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29.2: Chris Gaines Ruined America - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Fri, 13 Jan 2017 00:53:40 +0000

November and December lasted five years each. Halloween was a lifetime ago. The calendar is crawling. Did it feel this way between Bush’s election and inauguration? I can’t remember.

It’s finally January, the slowest and foulest four weeks of the year, in which that New Year’s fresh perspective dissolves in an acid bath of seasonal affective disorder. And that’s in a normal, non-apocalyptic year. The inauguration is in a week.

This first episode of 2017 features the fellows discussing the music and movies of the late 1980s. Is it not comforting that if nothing else, as all our other institutions crumble around us, the three dudes of Dan Wakes Up Screaming are still going on about things that happened to them when they were eleven?

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Crystal Mace” by Waylon Thornton and the Heavy Hands

“Sultry Space Showers” by BLEO

“Sunny Morning Exercise Club” by Origami Repetika

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29.1: Dan Cancels Christmas - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Wed, 28 Dec 2016 03:37:32 +0000

I haven’t heard from Dan since the news broke about George Michael. I’m picturing him alone somewhere in a sequined motorcycle jacket over a bare chest, sitting on a stool in a dark room under a spotlight, weeping softly as he ignores all my texts. Also I just heard that Carrie Fisher is dead too. And our new president doesn’t think we have enough nuclear weapons. The Holidays are cancelled, everybody. We don’t deserve it this year. Let’s all just sit at home and think about what we did.

And now that I’m done yelling at you, would you mind rating us on iTunes?

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“New Years Party by Toptygin (live)” by Kim & Buran

“New Year’s Eve” by Silence Is Sexy

“Losing Over Christmas” by Greg Atkinson

“Hellidays (b/w Christmas in Hollis)” by The Impossebulls

“Too Far Gone” by Ryan Little

“Holiday” by Dave Depper

“Ghosts From Hell In The Year 1972” by Lucas Perný & Miroslav Kollar

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28: We Are Hippies Now - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Fri, 09 Dec 2016 16:07:50 +0000

This episode was recorded two weeks after the election. We were having a contest to see who could be the most hopeless dude in the room, and it was pretty much a four way tie if you count Griffin.

Fortunately for the listener, Dan had the good sense to cut out most of our talk of panic and revulsion, which you’ve probably heard enough of recently. We tried to be funny, and for the most part it worked out. Fed improvised a character, Dan discussed the dandruff commercials of the 1980s, Brian wondered aloud if he could use the election as an excuse to take up smoking again.

Anyway, we are thinking about dropping out of human society and becoming hippies, so drop us a line if you want to reserve a bunkhouse in our commune.

In closing, happy holidays! Also fuck Donald Trump in his fat stupid face.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Mr Trumpet” by Ketsa

“I Cannot Describe My Happiness” by Paneye

“Coping With Shed Fires” by Ca$h4otterz

“Jambox of Culture” by Dyslexic Fudgicle

“The Walls Ate My Sister’s Dog” by BlunderBox

“And Now We Stand Against The Wall” by Garmisch

“Wall of Dumb” by Higgins

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27: The Fiftieth Episode Spectacular - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Tue, 25 Oct 2016 08:01:32 +0000

In October of 2013, three men sat down in a booth at Halyard’s Bar and turned on a microphone. American culture was changed forever that night, even if America hasn’t quite realized it yet.

This is the fiftieth episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming. That may not sound like a lot of output for three years, but as all the Screamers know, this bespoke, handcrafted audio is not like other podcasts. Dan carefully crafts each episode out of the fart noises and muttered slurs that we give him, week after week, to produce something magical. They say you can’t polish a turd, but Dan has done just that fifty times.

Please, for the love of God, like us on Facebook and rate us on iTunes. What are you doing, waiting for the 100th episode?

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Donald Trump is Wrong” (Tetration Remix)

“Dictionary (Kurser)” by K. Sparks

“Renewed Rivalry Vibrato” by Trans Atlantic Rage

“THINGAMAJIG” by Jason Shaw

“MOUNTAIN SUN” by Jason Shaw

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26.2: Dan Like Nobody’s Watching - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 07:00:02 +0000

Fed can bring home the bacon. Brian can cook it up in a pan. Dan will never let you forget that you’re a man. Enjoy this new episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Years of Flirtin’” by Wooden Ambulance

“Uncomercialized Prostitute” by The Frankenstone

“League of Impressionable Teens” by So Cow

“Flower of Scotland” by Ian Alex Mac

“Appendix to Frequency Histograms for Predictor Variables” by Learning Music

“Florida” by Austin Leonard Jones

“Blood-tide” by Agnosept

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26.1: Ye Olde Podcaste - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Mon, 29 Aug 2016 06:00:56 +0000

In this third episode of August we review our summer vacations, do unflattering impressions of the Founding Fathers, introduce Judge Fedd, the grammar enforcer, and continue to totally ignore the ongoing presidential election. You are welcome, America. Please enjoy part one of Episode 26 of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Exclamation Points” by Goodbye Rumiko

“Last Sentence” by Dikes of Holland

“The Jeffersons”by CuzOH

“Hummingbird Cell” by Dinner Music

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25.2: Is This a Fetish? - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Mon, 15 Aug 2016 07:00:39 +0000

Human sexuality is a fascinating conundrum, and the fellows spend much of this episode trying to think of ways to cash in on it. Also, Brian falls victim to a classic long con, Dan and Fed tell unappetizing stories about sleepaway camp, and we are visited by the Money Deliverer. Please enjoy this episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Kiss Me Harder Boy” by Fernando

“Good Morning, Bubblegum” by The Harvey Girls

“If You Tell Me (Who I Am) Feat. Steffe Welton” by Carter Behnke

“Money Shot” by The Money Shot

“Connect-shun” by My Teenage Stride

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25.1: Dan Versus The Volcano - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Mon, 01 Aug 2016 06:00:15 +0000

Residents of Kensington may have recently seen a disheveled and nearly nude man crawling around on a fire escape with a can of WD-40. Episode 25.1 of Dan Wakes Up Screaming attempts to explain what was going on there.

Also, could you guys please give this podcast a rating on iTunes? You have Dan’s thanks in advance.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Bitchin’ Heat” by Dancer

“It’s The Heat” by Ashley Paul

“Heat” by Tricky Diesel

“Heat Index” by Michael Chapman & The Woodpiles

“Heat Exhaustion” by Isaac Graham

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24: Are You There God? It’s Me, Dan. - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Tue, 05 Jul 2016 05:00:16 +0000

Welcome to July, Screamers. This episode was recorded in Fed’s immaculately clean apartment, which, I cannot stress enough, was entirely spotless and tidy when we arrived.

In this edition of Dan Wakes Up Screaming, we meet Bun Bun the Toilet Bunny, an actual non-fictional rabbit who lives behind Fed’s toilet and drinks water out of one of his coffee cups. We also discuss Brian’s charmed career and hang out with a time-travelling gentleman bandit.

Also, dear listener, could we trouble you to give this podcast a rating on iTunes? The only people who have done so are our pets.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Wind In Her Hair” by Motorman

“Me and the Wind” by Doug Gillard

“Betty Boop” by Ergo Phizmiz

“Boop” by Podington Bear

“Perfect One” by Man Bites Dog

“Rabbiting” by Podington Bear

“Bees Are Trying To Build Their Nest In You.” by Half-handed Cloud

“Blow Up Your Radio” by Nick Percev

“Sleaze Is Here” by The Honorable Sleaze

“Sun Bum” by Monster Rally

“Bump” by Mucca Pazza

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23.2: The Redneck Version of Space - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Fri, 10 Jun 2016 06:00:17 +0000

Spoiler alert: the best part of this episode is when Fed says “I’m sure he’s fine.” That won’t make any sense to you until you hear it, but trust me, it’s just great. Other highlights: Brian talks about the time he was nearly murdered by mice, and Dan admits that he doesn’t know how to pronounce “bruschetta,” and also that he nearly burned down his hometown as a young man. Please enjoy the finale of Episode Twenty-Three of Dan Wakes Of Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Ride My Tempo” by Fhernando

“On Fire” by Jasmine Golan

“Popcorn House” by The Immaculates

“Comme un Popcorn dans une Marmite [Like Popcorn in a Pot]” by Miss Emma

“Flags” by The Spits

“Future Fetish” by Onyx System

“Save The World (From Ourselves)” by Westy Reflector

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23.1: Nude With Inner Tube - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Fri, 27 May 2016 06:00:45 +0000

In this episode we learn that if Fed were rich he would drive around in a Cadillac full of caviar, and maybe some day he would also go to a dentist. Meanwhile, Dan proposes that we refer to fans of the podcast as “the screamers,” and also hears the phrase “mad blunted” for the first time. Finally, Brian warns the ladies of Brooklyn about a new pickup artist scam… and without giving anything away, let’s just say that everyone should stop having casual sex with dentists until further notice.

Please enjoy the first part of the twenty-third episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Bionic Boiz” by Yakuza Heart Attack

“I was bad with you my baby (Sorry I’m a bad boy part 2)” by Dinosaur Jugnot

“Great Pyramid” by Celebration

“yramidia” by Ja Prawn

“Confidence” by CM aka Creative

“Years of Flirtin’” by Wooden Ambulance

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22: Dan’s Been Kissed By a Rose - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Fri, 06 May 2016 14:16:13 +0000

Dan falls in love with a flower, Fed performs a historical reenactment of Jefferson Davis, and Brian admits to being a pretty bad men’s room attendant in this, the twenty-second episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Teenage Girl Ghoul A Go-Go (re-mix)” by Armageddon Gospel Revival

“Rose Tint” by Young Romance

“You Got It Man” by Dancer

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21.2: Doctor Diesel and the Towel Boy - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Fri, 08 Apr 2016 06:30:08 +0000

The fellows pitch a prestige cable series, win a Russian beer sweepstakes, and try out a new trivia segment on this, the conclusion to Episode 21 of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.

Editor’s Note: At one point in this program, Brian incorrectly refers to F. Lee Bailey as the prosecutor in the Charles Manson trial. Dan Wakes Up Screaming regrets this baffling error, and humbly reminds its audience that Brian is not an authority on any subject, and that listening to anything that Brian says is not recommended.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Sex Club” by The Womb

“Does That Turn You On?” by Lemon

“Still Balling” by Tricky Diesel

“Rebenok” by Nambavan

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21.1: Skinny Dan Versus Big Fat Fed - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 07:00:59 +0000

When he was subsisting on dining hall starch in college, Fed was what Buffalo Bill would call “a great big fat person.” I’m not saying that Fed was fat, but when Fed sat around the house, Fed sat around the house. Also, I’m not that saying Fed was fat, but I heard at the time that they were going to tear Fed down and build a hotel. You get the idea.

Meanwhile, ectomorphic young Dan was doing his best imitation of Ichabod Crane. In today’s episode, Dan tells a heartbreaking story of trying to do a dead lift in front of all the girls in school, with tragic results.

Please enjoy Episode 21.1 of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“The Joys of Spring” by Guido Gialdini

“Birds of Paradise Marching Band” by Taseh

“Classic Rock In Spring” by Kurt Vile

“Poop Your Pants!” by Dan Darbandi

“The Irish Spring” by David Rovics

“Almighty” by Birgitta Victor

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20.2: A Nation of Elvises - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Thu, 18 Feb 2016 19:38:11 +0000

We re-join our heroes for another harrowing Fed-selected music segment, a visit from an Austrian sexpert, and a quick round of America’s new favorite party game, Teen Topix. Please enjoy the conclusion of the Winter Storm Jonas edition of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Miami Call” by Herr Doktor

“Freezeframe Shutters” by Fit and the Conniptions

“Fun to be Had With an Oboe” by Ergo Phizmiz

“Whiskey Girls” by K.I.D.S.

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20.1: Used Up On Prom Night - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Fri, 05 Feb 2016 06:00:09 +0000

Welcome to our Pop Culture Roundup and Oscar Prediction Supercast! Just kidding. Two thirds of us haven’t even seen the new Star Wars movie. Other things never mentioned in this first episode of 2016 include the death of David Bowie and the ongoing presidential primaries. Also, the last movie that Dan and Fed saw was Howard the Duck.

We recorded this episode on the night of Winter Storm Jonas, which is weird because my windows are open as I type this, and there is hardly a crumb of snow left in town. When aliens are exploring the submerged ruins of Brooklyn after the coming climate change apocalypse, I hope that they find and enjoy the twentieth episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming, and also that they rate us on iTunes.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Snow Is Falling” by Georgia & August Greenberg

“Snowblind” by Tusk Lord

“Spider Farm” by Andrew Howes

“Snow” by Pk jazz Collective

“Snowman” by Jazzer

“Hometown” by Ryan Little

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19: American Bear and Monkey Boss - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Thu, 19 Nov 2015 08:00:31 +0000

Brian returns to Naked Island for some saucy corrective corrections, Dan’s class photo is so bad that the photographer wins a Pulitzer, and Fed attempts to channel the spirit of a legendary Cajun chef, with limited success. Please enjoy the nineteenth episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Super Nude” by Lesbian Afternoon

“I’m going home” by Lee Maddeford

“MARATHON MAN” by Jason Shaw

“Hammertime” by Squarehead

“Picture” by The Choke

“Photograph” by Pataphysics

“Song of the Night Cafe in New Orleans” by Vi-Fi

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18: Season Three! Escape From Naked Island - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Thu, 05 Nov 2015 08:00:01 +0000

Season Three of Dan Wakes Up Screaming is upon us with an episode that has it all: nudity, violence, adult situations, and compulsory hand-holding with strangers.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Cool Reggae Party” by Juanitos

“Mexico” by Jimmy Pé

“seven down” by Gorowski

“Like The Very First Kiss” by Elias Damian

“Death Machine” by Magic Daddy

“Persian Lamb Rag” by Heftone Banjo Orchestra

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17.2: Werewolves of Windsor Terrace - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Thu, 22 Oct 2015 08:00:14 +0000

This is it: the final episode of Season Two, which means that we are mere weeks away from the premiere of Season Three. A lot of people thought we wouldn’t get renewed for another season, and do you know where those people are now? Well, if we go by iTunes metrics they’re probably listening to Mark Maron or Radiolab. But the main thing is that they were wrong, and also jerks, and Dan Wake Up Screaming will return, just like James Bond in Octopussy.

Anyhoo, in this episode the fellows drink a haunted beer and turn into werewolves, or something. Enjoy! Happy Halloween!

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Stealing The Night” by iamMANOLIS

“Does That Turn You On?” by Lemon

“She-Wolf (Re-edition 2014)” by Valery & The Greedies

“To the Moon” by Jazzafari

“Box Store” by Deano Waco

“Monsterdance (feat. Hasi International)” by The Discoghosts

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17.1: A Bottle of Bile - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Thu, 08 Oct 2015 13:37:12 +0000

Breaking news: Dan Wakes Up Screaming still exists. This new episode, which is part one of the electrifying conclusion of Season Two, finds that Fed is moving to a new apartment, Brian has finally quit smoking, and Dan in incensed at the lack of Huey Lewis in Pitchfork’s 200 Best Songs of the 80s.

Music credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

“Gotta Keep Moving” by The Losers

“Ultimate Umpire” by Spray Paint

“golf” by Deano Merino

“Vacation” (by 骨架的)

“Dracula Honey” by PC Noise & Pedicure Records

“You Dress Like an Asshole (prod. by Lunice)” by Not The 1s

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16.2: Base Jumpers Don’t Cry - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Mon, 27 Jul 2015 16:32:46 +0000

Episode 16.2 of Dan Wakes Up Screaming finds the boys still all squicked out about seeing one another in daylight, so they’re relieved when a very special guest shows up and they don’t have to talk to one another anymore.

By the way, have you ever wondered what the fellows are drinking while recording episodes of your favorite podcast? Refreshments usually include a mix of the poncy IPAs that Brian prefers along with whatever Fed was able to scrounge from sidewalks and dumpsters. (Have you ever heard the story of the time Fed found a whole unopened package of Lorna Doones?!)

Meanwhile, it amuses Dan to bring the most obscure and unpalatable monstrosities that he can find in the neighborhood Polish market. In case you’re curious, the beer that the fellas are drinking in this episode is called REMUS BROWAR AMBER. The label looks like this:

So if you don’t like this episode, blame Dan and/or Poland. Also- to the brewers of Remus Browar Amber… hello! Did you know that Dan Wakes Up Screaming is available for your marketing pleasure? It’s true! The fellows will do or say anything to get your business, and Fed will work for Lorna Doones.

Music credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Indian Lullaby” by Asian Women on the Telephone

“Fake Your Dreams” by Ain’t No Love

“You’ll Find Old Dixieland in France” by Pietro

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16.1: Tricked By Dogs - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 19:10:24 +0000

This episode was recorded in broad daylight, which weirded everyone out. Overcoming the queasiness of seeing one another during business hours, the fellows managed to discuss:

– Current American politics (The first time ever that such a conversation was not deleted for being boring and terrible)
– Vivisection (pros and cons)
– That guy who blew up the Olympics
– Sexual tension on Leave it to Beaver
– The cultural impact of traveling fairs
– The horror and squalor of water parks
– The wholesomeness and magic of Dolly Parton

We later play the Teen Topix! game, and Brian finally busts out the finest story in his anecdote arsenal: the tale of Gus the Amazing Alleycat.

Why are you still reading this when you could already be listening to Episode Sixteen of Dan Wakes Up Screaming?

Music credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Rod Stewart” by No Monster Club

“Down In a Hole” by Dondero High School

“Gayluv (Sexchangemix)” by Dyke B (feat.Leffevre)

“The Exit to the Rainbow” by springtide

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15.2: Dry Horizons - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Mon, 29 Jun 2015 19:03:02 +0000

What do you serve to a Broadway producer who barges into your podcast taping planning to kidnap you and then force you into a life of indentured servitude in the theater? The answer, as we learn on this episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming, is a small sherry with an olive in it.

James Taylor drops in at one point as well, and Fed provides a hot tip on how to get someone from Long Island to do something. Hint: print a custom Penny Saver that has an ad for free jet skis in it.

Also! We play the Teen Topix! game (spelling mine), and later discuss Dan’s crippling dependence on donuts, which leads into a conversation about the Atkins diet craze of the late nineties. And as if that weren’t enough, there is some swordplay in the third act. It is a magical evening.

More importantly, go read David Crabb’s newly released memoir, called Bad Kid! It was written by a very nice man who Fed and Dan had the privilege of working with in the past.

Other shout outs include our three hundredth Twitter follower, @podcastdan, and defunct Annapolis punk legends Pee Tanks. Finally, Dan does a very unflattering imitation of Andy Kaufman. Nice job, @podcastdan and Pee Tanks. Bad job, Andy Kaufmann.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Miami Call” by Herr Doktor

“Meet Me On The Dancefloor” by Track Jackit

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15.1: Feliz Quinceanera - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 18:25:20 +0000

Dan’s kids have lice, Fed’s starting a cult, and Brian is convinced that he is too talented for Broadway. It’s the fifteenth episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming! This is also our thirtieth podcast in total, so depending on your outlook this is either our Quinceanera or our Logan’s Run.

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Stealing the Night” by iamMANOLIS

“Louse Sensitivity (feat. Tobias Schmidt)” by Deft Aphid

“Apple Core” by Learning Music

“Japanese Plankton” by Eat Rabbit

“Otterman” by Ergo Phizmiz

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14.2: Welcome to the Peace Department - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Mon, 01 Jun 2015 15:01:08 +0000

Dan recently cancelled his subscription to cable television, which means that this podcast is probably doomed, because we can’t even picture Dan without access to CoziTV. If you see a very thin and panicky fellow trying to rent Murder She Wrote tapes at the library, that’s probably Dan. May God have mercy on his soul, and please enjoy episode 14.2 of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Miami Call” by Herr Doktor

“Ride My Tempo” by Fhernando

“Kiss The Goat” by Best Friends!

“Peace, Wiseguys!” by U Can Unlearn Guitar

“best friends 4eva” by Toxic Lipstick

“Too Thirsty To Drink Water” by Karl Blau

“Digital Face Melter” by Glass Candy X Texture

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14.1: Berserker Sex Robot Superstar - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Tue, 19 May 2015 20:02:33 +0000

In the not-too-distant future, podcasters will be replaced by sexy androids. Probably. Episode fourteen of Dan Wakes Up Screaming offers a terrifying glimpse of the coming dystopia.

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Ride My Tempo” by Fhernando

“The Laundry Room” by itchidan

“23 is hunting me” by Popeye Experience

“Open Up Your Eyes” by Still Pluto

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13.3: Big Flats Ain’t Big Enough For Both of Us - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Mon, 20 Apr 2015 20:13:30 +0000

The fellows collaborate on a genre fiction series that will be available in airport bookstores near you, Dan’s clone/single white female shows up, and a particularly eventful day in history is marked. Lucky episode thirteen is in the can.

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“So Close” by Herr Doktor

“(I Need Ya) L.O.V.E” by Fhernando

“It’s Time for an Adventure” by No Loli-Gagging

“Doppelganger” by Altered:Carbon & Kendall WA

“Bus Stop” by Simon Panrucker

“Torture Garden” by Pee Wee Ass Vs Dee Dee Puss

“Dog Star” by Distemper

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13.2: Dan Fulfills The Prophecy - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Thu, 09 Apr 2015 14:56:29 +0000

The epic trilogy continues: first the fellows meet another local artisan of the burgeoning maker culture, and then Dan shares a heartwarming story in which he achieves all that his parents ever wanted for him, at a shopping mall fashion show.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“So Close” by Herr Doktor

“(I Need Ya) L.O.V.E” by Fhernando

“Snowy Daze” by Ketsa

“My Dog’s Got No Nose” by Listen With Sarah

“BIKE SONG” by Rose For Bohdan

“Psycho Love” by El Jugador

Image Credit:

Pretzel Bike, 2013, Catherine Ahearn (via joshuaabelow.blogspot.com)

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13.1: We Disagree With Your Lifestyle - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Tue, 24 Mar 2015 17:47:42 +0000

Dan showed up to this evening’s session wearing glasses and sporting an iPhone. He looked like an art director, but all that gravitas evaporated when his selection for the music segment turned out to be “Jacob’s Ladder” by Huey Lewis and the News. Please enjoy this first segment of the epic marathon session that is episode thirteen.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“…with eyes so true” by FLT RSK

“Iphone” by Starring

“Get Your Damn Hands off My Synthesizer” by The Polish Ambassador

“First Time” by Soft Circle

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12.2: French Bulldog Puppy Apocalypse - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 17:27:31 +0000

It could happen, people.

Season Two continues with a special guest, and a new “Day in History” segment which Dan described as “a train wreck… but it’s short!” Also we go on for awhile about Lisa Loeb, which, can you believe that hasn’t happened yet?

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“So Close” by Herr Doktor

“(I Need Ya) L.O.V.E” by Fhernando

“Backed Vibes Clean” by Kevin MacLeod

“Nova” by Vlasta Popić

“Walter’s Wonderland” by Matt Oakley

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12.1: The German Word for “Sex Murder” - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 16:12:32 +0000

Apparently it is “Lustmord.” Anyway, Season Two continues with another new episode.

Music credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Alabama Chicken” by Sean Hayes

“Messy Love” by Another Day On Earth

“Upside Down” by Oblivian Substanshall

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11.2: Various Heresies - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Wed, 04 Feb 2015 21:27:00 +0000

Dan and Fed spend much of this Baltika-fueled evening preparing for the annual celebration of Marchington. What’s Marchington, you ask? Oh my God, are Dan and Fed happy that you asked. Brian is for the most part without comment on the subject.

Other topics discussed: the death of God, the over-celebration of the Greatest Generation, and how the Aztecs, overall, had things pretty much right.

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Say It!” by Spiedkiks

“Meet Me By The Garbage Can” by Waylon Thornton and the Heavy Hands

“You will die” by Retrigger

“Suck a Cheetah’s Dick” by uncuT

“Marching To Hell” by Aktivehate

“Holiday” by Silence Is Sexy

“Big Head” by Orthotonics

“divorced fathers and sons all stars” by alright lover

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11.1: Season Two! Swimming to Xanadu - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Tue, 20 Jan 2015 19:50:04 +0000

Season Two of Dan Wakes Up Screaming is upon us. Phone the neighbors, wake the kids, tell your friends about your favorite podcast. Seriously, please, tell your friends about this podcast.

In this episode, Dan recalls some boorish behavior in college which resulted in a comeuppance of near-Biblical proportions. It’s got to be one of the thirty best anecdotes we have about Dan acting like a ~~jackass~~ hero. Also Fed tries out a new wacky morning zoo crew persona, and Brian contributes almost nothing at all, as he had recently moved again, and was tired.

Female celebrities from the 80s discussed in this episode include Olivia-Newton John, Joyce Dewitt, Linda Ronstadt, Stevie Nicks, Christine McVie, and Kristy McNichol.

Music credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Strina Calabrese” by Italian Village Music and Dance

“Hell Dog Rape” by Krebs

“The Second Homecoming” by sirqueue

“my other penis is a vagina” by mr&mrsBrian

“magical shower outrun” by pink

“Cock Block Disco (Live)” by Bit Shifter

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10.2: Truman Capote’s Seance For Sexy Singles - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Sat, 29 Nov 2014 02:11:58 +0000

Special holiday weekend edition! In Cold Blood might be the best book ever written, but it’s nothing compared to the Capote’s major life work: The Black and White Ball. We had an audience with Capote’s departed spirit (he’s a friend of Mike’s, apparently) and asked several pressing questions.

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Last Days of Disco” by Fhernando

“Keg Baseball” by Centz

“The Last Slice of Pecan Pie (Instrumental Version)” by Josh Woodward

“Basement Music (Up In The Attic Instrumental)” by Deadly Combo

“Corpse Flower 2 Floors Down” by Bomis Prendin

“Cocktail Maker” by Brown Torpedo

“Fuck the Free World” by Ergo Phizmiz

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10.1: It’s a Shame About Sly - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Wed, 12 Nov 2014 18:26:44 +0000

After every episode of this podcast, one of the celebrities mentioned therein has died. No kidding, every one. There could be a non-supernatural explanation for this, for instance: a lot of elderly celebrities come up on this podcast, which is produced by elderly podcasters. But the fellows know the truth: Dan Wakes Up Screaming is cursed, a lot like the haunted videotape from The Ring, which may explain why no one listens.

It’s getting sort of terrifying to wield this much power over life and death, so this time the fellows intentionally selected someone to reap the whirlwind. It’s nothing personal, and this way, if nothing else, the unfortunate celebrity has time to get his affairs in order.

Also… dear Shelly Long: please be careful out there, you have been tempting fate for nearly a year.

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Ride My Tempo” by Fhernando

“I Owe it to the sunlight” by Water Sark

“Resistor Anthems” by Eric Skiff

“Life Coach” by Mountain High

“Sun Lotion” by Steadman

“Black and White” by Void Vision

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8.3: An Army Of Brians - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 20:35:27 +0000

In this finale to the trilogy which episode three of Dan Wakes Up Screaming became, the fellows investigate a sinister society whose covert machinations have influenced Western society for untold generations. Also, there are dick jokes.

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“So Close” by Herr Doktor

“Revenge” by Herr Doktor

“Dying Inside” by The Warm Feelings

“Ballada Bezbożna” by Metalmorphosis

“Klezmer Hora” by Ardei Iute Moldavian string band

“Sly & The Family Jones” by Mike Schpitz and Phys Edison

“Wave” by MANOLIS

“Doctor, Lawyer, Indian Chief” by MCRB

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8.2: The Monster of Fort Tilden - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Thu, 21 Aug 2014 16:57:36 +0000

Alternate title: Terrifying True Tales of Public Nudity. Also, former lacrosse wunderkind Fed explains the purpose of a jock strap to the other, less athletically-inclined fellows, who can’t seem to imagine why a person would wear such a thing. This could be our most groin-centric offering yet! You are warned, America. Part three of this epic session debuts next week.

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Beach Life” by Miami Slice

“Italian Opera” by UV Protection

“DIN-DANDAN” by EeL

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8.1: Rip Poop Smoke Butt Hiney Hole - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Wed, 13 Aug 2014 20:09:44 +0000

Don’t think about the title of this episode. Instead, let it wash over you. Savor the music of the syllables. Mutter it to yourself as you go through your day. What dark truths does this phrase conceal? What can it tell us about ourselves, and the world in which we live? It is for the scholars to say.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Three minutes on summertime” by Distemper

“Lonely Cowboys” by Simon Mathewson

“WRESTLING BACK STRONG FEELINGS SILENTLY” by Jared C. Balogh

“Sombrero – Calentones” by Chico Trujillo

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7.2: Cook’s Illustrated is Decadent and Deranged - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Mon, 21 Jul 2014 18:56:17 +0000

The plague of airplanes continues unabated, and the fellows huddle indoors, where they are visited by an illustrator from a celebrated magazine.

Music Credits:

“Saeta: Pilatos por no dejar” by La Nina de los Peines

“Infinite Mammalia” by The Polish Ambassador

“Sittin’ on Top of the World” by Nobody’s Bizness

“Just a Feelin’” by Majik Most

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

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7.1: What Is The Deal With Airplanes - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 21:04:05 +0000

Listeners will probably wonder why the fellows decided to record this episode on the tarmac of what sounds like the world’s busiest airport. They were actually just sitting in Brian’s yard as usual, as some sort of Lost or possibly X-Files situation was going on, and for some reason every airplane on the Eastern Seaboard decided to buzz Crown Heights. Dan Wakes Up Screaming apologizes for the interference, and hopes that the episode’s merits will outweigh its shortcomings.

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Disco Disco Disco Theque” by Kazoo Funk Orchestra

“Bloodrop” by raw zombiez

“Sculptor of Flesh” (by Pulsipher)

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6.2: Three Terrible Tenors - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Mon, 16 Jun 2014 19:12:01 +0000

All eleven of our listeners know that the second parts of these episodes tend to come apart a bit. Generally the boys have cracked a second sixer, and there’s a lot of giggling, snorting, and dick jokes. Well, this hour of content is no exception.

There is an awful lot of singing this time around, and the important word there is awful. Other highlights include Dan bellowing and raging about Small Wonder, you know, that show with the little girl robot? Also Brian tells the harrowing tale of that one time he almost shook hands with Zach Galifianakis. Please to enjoy.

Music Credits:

“Like Birds Shit” by Mad Screw

“Sittin’ on Top of the World” by Nobody’s Bizness

“Just a Feelin’” by Majik Most

“¡Qué Paciencia!” by Los Sundayers

“Terrifica Vs Fantastico” by The Womb

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

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6.1: All for Dan, Dan For Love - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Milledge, Federico Garduno, Brian Pritchett — Mon, 02 Jun 2014 18:10:32 +0000

Good news, America: scheduling conflicts and personal issues have been abolished, and the fire hose of premium, gratis content is once again spraying into the faces of the listening public.

In this episode, Dan proposes a theme song, and a motto, which perfectly captures the spirit of the podcast, and recalls the creative effort of three iconic artists with whom the fellows feel a brotherly kinship.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Rod Stewart” by No Monster Club

“The Jim Morrison Seance Tapes” by We’re Late For Class

“field recording – drunk saxophone” by Anonymous

“Touch a Clown in the Frightness” by EAT!

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