Horror fans are always debating which of the genre’s many iconic murderers would win in an epic battle royale to the death. We’ve already seen Jason Vorhees and Freddy Krueger fight it out, of course, but what would happen if you dropped Freddy, Michael Myers, Hannibal Lecter, Annabelle, and Chucky into an arena — or maybe a creepy old house — and only one came out alive? Well, one of them thinks they have pretty good odds of coming out on top.
Ahead of the premiere of the new Syfy series Chucky, Entertainment Weekly spoke with the killer doll himself (who relayed his answers via Child’s Play creator Don Mancini) and asked him to reveal how he’d go about killing four of his fellow horror legends. For starters, here’s how he’d handle Hannibal:
“I wouldn’t eat his liver; liver’s disgusting. And fava beans make me fart. Hannibal’s brain is the last thing I’d eat — everyone knows that can give you mad cow disease. That’s why Leatherface is so f—ed up. Maybe I’d turn Hannibal into chili dogs and eat him with fries and a Coke. The guy’s such a f—ing snob, he’d die of embarrassment.”
As for Freddy, Chucky thinks the two of them would get along — if it wasn’t for Krueger’s cheesy sense of humor, for which he has to die.
“He’s a pretty chill dude. We hang out in my nightmares. Anyway, Freddy tells the lamest jokes you’ve ever heard. For that alone, he deserves to die. So I’d just give him a taste of his own medicine. I’d pun him to death: ‘Hey, Freddy, here’s my definition of slash fiction!’ Or: ‘You’re a real dream come grue!’ See? Painful, isn’t it?”
As for fellow evil doll Annabelle, Chucky thinks he’d leave that one to his girlfriend Tiffany, who chimed in with her own thoughts:
“Tiffany says she’d do this one for me. Annie and Tiff, they hate each other. I’ll let Tiff speak for herself: ‘Chucky’s exaggerating. I don’t hate Anna Dumb-belle — I just feel sorry for her. Imagine going through life with that face. And that hair — what is she thinking? I’d just put her out of her misery by putting acid in her rosacea cream.'”
Last but not least, Michael Myers might be the original and most enduring slasher serial killer, but Chucky isn’t phased by him.
“I’d just out-stalk him. Dude is slow. Plus, my butcher knife is bigger.”
While we’ll have to wait for that fateful Avengers: Endgame of horror stars to arrive, Charles Lee Ray is about to kill it on TV screens in his first-ever TV series. A continuation of the original movie franchise, Brad Dourif is back as the pint-sized psychopath, with Jennifer Tilly, Fiona Dourif, and Alex Vincent also in the cast, alongside newcomers Zackary Arthur and Devon Sawa in leading roles. Chucky debuts the first of its six episodes Syfy and USA Network tonight (October 12th) at 10 p.m. ET/PT.
