Is Ron DeSantis going to run for president in 2024? The Florida governor has not yet said but at this point, all signs very much point to yes. That would be generally unfortunate for the country, as a DeSantis presidency would be just as bad as a Donald Trump one in many ways, and specifically bad for Trump, as it’s very possible DeSantis could beat him, delivering the former guy’s second presidential-election loss in a row.

Trump clearly knows this, having shat several bricks following the midterms when Republicans and the conservative media alike all but dumped him for Governor Ron. He’s also had time to stew over it while hibernating in Mar-a-lago following the lackluster announcement of his 2024 candidacy. Speaking to The Water Cooler, a conservative podcast on Monday, he told host David Brody, of DeSantis, “So, you know, now I hear he might want to run against me. So we’ll handle that the way I handle things.”

Now, if you were an alien only recently dropped onto Planet Earth with zero knowledge about the 45th president, you might hear that line and think, “No biggie. He’s gonna handle it. Probably means he’s just going to outspend the other guy and make a compelling case to voters why he should be elected again.” Of course, if you’ve spent any amount of time on Earth whatsoever, you know that when Donald Trump says he’s going to “handle” something “the way I handle things,” you know that that’s absolutely a threat. And while Trump’s language—like that of a Mafia boss—is purposely vague, having observed him for many years, we have a few ideas of what he means when he says he’s going to “handle” DeSantis in 2024.

They include:

Name-calling

The bread and butter of Trump’s arsenal, the ex-president has already begun deploying his patented name-calling tactics against his would-be rival, dubbing him “Ron DeSanctimonious” at a campaign rally just before the midterms last November.

While we don’t know what other names the ex-president will have in store for the governor, we do know that he loves to take shots at his opponents’ heights, and would bet good money that we’ll hear a “Little Ron” before the election cycle is over. The names, as indicated by the aforementioned, also tend to be very juvenile, so “Rotten Ron” has definitely got to be in the cards.

Wifely insults

As Ted Cruz can tell you, Donald Trump has no bottom (nor does Ted, so they make a good pair). During the 2016 election, Trump threatened via tweet to “spill the beans” on Heidi Cruz. Later, he shared an image featuring a side-by-side of Melania Trump and an unflattering photo of Mrs. Cruz, with the caption “No Need To 'Spill The Beans.’ The Images Are Worth A Thousand Words.” (Senator Cruz responded: “Real men don’t try to bully women. That’s not an action of strength. That’s an action of weakness. It’s an action of fear. It’s an action of a small and petty man who is intimidated by strong women.” Then he quickly started stumping for Trump and is now one of his biggest supporters.)

Trump has already referenced Casey DeSantis, saying before the midterms, of the governor: “If he did run, I will tell you things about him that won’t be very flattering. I know more about him than anybody other than perhaps his wife, who is really running his campaign.”

Implying his opponent‘s father was involved in terrible moments in US history

Speaking of Cruz, during the same presidential campaign, Trump suggested the Texas senator‘s father was involved in the assassination of JFK. What might he come up with re: Ron’s dad? We can’t be sure but it would not at all be out of character for him to write something on Truth Social like, “Hearing Little Ron’s dad cut the brakes on JFK Jr.’s fateful flight…a sick puppy if true!”

“I invented her”

Like Regina George before him, Trump takes great pleasure in claiming that Ron DeSantis was a nobody who he single-handedly got elected as governor of Florida the first time. On Monday, in fact, he stated, “I got him elected, pure and simple.” Last November, he said the same, only that time, in the fog of anger, he also implied he committed a major crime in the process, writing on Truth Social:

I also fixed his campaign, which had completely fallen apart. I was all in for Ron, and he beat [Andrew] Gillum, but after the Race, when votes were being stolen by the corrupt Election process in Broward County, and Ron was going down ten thousand votes a day, along with now-Senator Rick Scott, I sent in the FBI and the U.S. Attorneys, and the ballot theft immediately ended, just prior to them running out of the votes necessary to win. I stopped his Election from being stolen. 

To be clear, that was the former president of the United States apparently claiming that he “sent in the FBI” to ensure that DeSantis won, which many noted at the time would warrant an investigation by the people who investigate federal crimes.

If DeSantis runs, we can 100% expect more of this.

This video, on loop

Trump will obviously remind people, multiple times a day, that DeSantis shot this very cringey video demonstrating his MAGA bona fides and to be fair, the Florida governor has only himself to blame for it.

Murder?

No, we don’t actually think Donald Trump is going to have Ron DeSantis killed. But, to be sure, the whole “we'll handle that the way I handle things” is absolutely the way a Mafia boss would speak of his intent to get rid of someone.

Kyrsten Sinema and Joe Manchin agree f--king over the will of the people is awesome

This relationship checks out

Marjorie Taylor Greene sees your “separation of church and state” and raises you a “Bible passage about God getting revenge on his enemies”

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