And how I don't look as young as I used to.

Care-free and 20-something 

The other  night our little family watched old videos. Little snippets of all our lives flashed before my eyes. Our engagement. Wedding day. Birth of our first born, second and then third. Smiles. Tears. And every thing in between. 

All of those moments of our lives make up the dash. That small piece of punctuation that is put on funeral programs and headstones to mark the time between our birth and death. 

Looking back, the dash goes by fast. 

Seems like my 20s were just a few years ago. But they stretch back farther than I care to admit. It was 12 years ago that I said "I do" and joined my life up with the man who would become the father of our three children. Everything was shiny and new. Coffee maker, sheets and furniture purchased to complete our home together were all unused and pristine.

Today, most of those items need to be replaced or have been replaced. We blinked and time sped by. In 10 more years, our oldest child will be the age that I thought was just  few years ago.

This dash I'm living is moving faster than I'm comfortable with and I think about what I would tell my younger self if I could.

I'd tell her: Do it!

Do every single thing you want to do. The thing you're fearful of. The thing you think you aren't equipped to do.

Just do it.

Do it afraid.

Do it even though you aren't as well-versed as you want to be.

Do it when you think there's not enough money.

Do it when you think you're not pretty enough....

or smart enough....

or wise enough.

Just do it.

Tell that girl or that guy that you like them. Or love them. Do the thing that's been stirring in your heart for years.

Do it alone if you have to.

But just do it.

These are the same words that I'll pass along to my children.

Life is too short to play it safe.

What's the one thing that you need to just do?

Yesterday baby girl come home with a scratch on her eye from another child accidentally scratching her. The whole incident was explained by the daycare and handled well. But I still was upset. First, I wanted to be mad at the daycare or the caregiver or the other child. Then I realized I was mad because I wasn't there to protect my baby.

Isn't that what most parents want to do? To shield their kids from every single hurt and all harm.

But it's not possible. And even if it was, what good would it do for our children?

Even in childhood, they need to learn now to deal with pain and disappointment. This year, there's a girl in my son's 4th grade class who cried every morning at drop off for the first two months. I kept wondering why a 9-year-old child would still be crying over something as mundane as school drop off. That's the kind of behavior you'd expect from a baby. Then, it made me wonder if her parents haven't equipped her to deal with hard situations or painful stuff. Makes me wonder if I'm crippling my children in any way.

My hope for my children is for them to be resilient and able to bounce back. Set backs in life can knock the wind out of you, but you don't have to let them keep you down and I surely hope that's mirrored in our home for these little ones we are raising.

Earlier this month, I had an incident with a co-worker where work I needed wasn't delivered on time because they were dealing with some personal issues. Very weighty personal issues. We all have had them or will have them if we haven't already.  

To see her buckle under the weight of it all and not even be able to perform at a standard she's used to was heartbreaking. Whatever is hurting her is so debilitating that she can't find the strength to fight back and keep her life in motion. 

Now don't get me wrong. We all need a time and place to sit and cry it out or scream it out or whatever the case. We need time to grieve whatever pain we've been through. Then comes the time when you dust yourself off and try again.  You CAN dust yourself off and try again.

While I love my babies, I certainly don't want to cripple them by over-sheltering them to the point where they can't cope when life is hard or something hurts them.  

What are some ways you are helping your kids to be resilient? 

By the time, I'd hit those 20-something years where I was living on my own and making my own decision, those childhood years started looking pretty good. 

Crazy how we always want to be at the stage of life that we are not.

I find myself doing that in parenting.

This morning, we ran into a few hiccups that got me behind schedule and I mumbled under my breath, "I can't wait til these kids grow up." 

Then I thought about it. Is that what I really want? 

Lots of parents say they can't wait til their kids get out of diapers. They can't wait til they get out of kindergarten so they'll be more independent. Then they rush the college years along so they won't have a young adult in their pocket anymore.  They long for the day when they are out of the house so they can enjoy their own life.

Parenthood stages change so quickly. It's really a shame that us parents start to want to rush stages along. My oldest will be 10 next month, I so clearly remember him being a toddler. Time flies and so does our children's growth. 

What's the sense in wanting our children to hurry up and grow up so we can get on with our lives? To me, this is my life: mommyhood and the angst, anger and frustration that goes along with it. 

But I do sometimes find myself wishing for the next stage for the kids. It would be so awesome if the 10 year old was a teen and could drive. However, I know there are parenting woes that go along with that stage as well. 

Sometimes I want to zip past this stage where the five year old is drawing mustaches on his face and getting frustrated because he can't keep up with his big brother. But I know that when he's a tween his friends will become more important than me and I'll have another set of parenting issues to deal with. 

Five year old with his drawn on mustache

In wanting them to hurry to the next stage, lately I'm been finding myself telling them to hurry up in every little task. "Hurry up and brush your teeth." "Quickly finish your dinner." "Get in the car NOW."

What's my rush? I better let these little ones savor their childhood..it's the only one they get. And I certainly won't get a second chance at parenting them as kids either.

So I'm making a concerted effort to slow down. How about you? 

A Few Links That Made Me Smile...

 In my last Makes Me Happy Monday post, I shared a link to one of my favorite blogs where the writer shared her engagement story. She got married and shared her wedding photos here...just as sweet as the engagement. I'm a sucker for marriages and love. 

Two hundred and ninety one is a beautiful and heart wrenching post by Pastor Levi Lusko on the loss of his young daughter. 

Seven Things To Pray For Your Kids: I love every single one of these.  

"I honestly never thought I’d see the day when Christians would justify swearing. " Why I Don't Use the F-Word by J. Lee Grady. An older article that's worth sharing again. 

Iron Man Helps the Homeless Smile. My husband thought this was corny but it tugged at my girlie heart strings. 

Business Matters...

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An eye exam from a few months ago revealed that I need bifocals. BIFOCALS? I thought they were for elderly people on canes. Thankfully, I have a husband who rescued me from having to actually wear bifocals with the little magnifying boxes on each lens and paid the extra for me to get progressive lenses. 

My eye doctor said I was showing the classic signs of needing them: taking off my glasses to read items up close or small print. Ugh. I'm way too young for bifocals. Plus, how can that make sense when my regular prescription is actually a tad too strong for my nearsighted eyes now?

Sportin' my bifocals

So I'm now sporting progressive lenses. The eye doctor said the older I get the worse my near vision is while my long range vision is slightly more clear. Turns out some people who have myopia (nearsightedness) see their eyesight improve naturally with age.

 The older I get the worse my near vision is while my long range vision is slightly more clear.

In my 20s, all I cared about was my "near vision" what was happening in the here and now. I wasn't concerned with the future so much. It was about hanging out with friends. Traveling. Buying clothes. Enjoying the moment. Having fun.

I tried to remember the last time I thought like that. Truly, it's been a while. My concern these days is the bigger picture and long range such as: the legacy I'm leaving my children,  preparing these little lives for life outside of the nest and working on nailing down a secure future.

Funny how things change when you're in a different decade of your life.  I have to chuckle at the 20-something girl I once was. So care-free. Nothing wrong with that at all. But that attitude towards life doesn't work now that I'm a mom of three.

I need to help cast a vision for our little family. I need to have eyes of faith that see that which doesn't exist in the physical realm. I need to be able to see who my children are and raise them according to their natural strengths.  

While I can't always see the small print that the kids shove in front of my face to read, I can see that: 

my oldest has a sensitive and tender heart towards the things of God and that I shouldn't quench that in him. 

my second son is a carefree spirit who resists being put in a box and I have to learn how to not suppress that while also giving him boundaries. 

my baby girl is strong and sure and confident in what she wants...already. 

I hope that as I get older my long-range vision continues to sharpen.  And that I'll be prayerful and proactive in guiding these little lives and covering them in prayer.

Crazy...especially since I don't think we are old enough to even be grandparents but also because all of my kids are younger than 10 years old and my youngest is 15 months. It's going to be a good little while before I'm a grandparent. 

Sometimes I look at my friends' stage of life and think: I'm way behind schedule. 

And then I look at my life and everything starts to feel late. 

I'm behind on my cleaning schedule.  

Behind at work.

Behind on teaching the 5 year old to tie his shoe. 

Late on getting the baby dedicated at church. 

Seems like I'm just behind on dang near everything.

Then I think about my post-high school years and my 20s. I was nowhere near ready for a child in my teens or even my 20s for that matter. I'd planned my life out. College at Howard University straight out of high school to get my journalism degree. While some of the people I know were getting married in their early 20s, I was moving to Los Angeles and enjoying living single and traveling and meeting new people and just being a young adult.

Interesting how back then I never thought I was off schedule. 

So why do I think that now? 

Perhaps I've forgotten about seasons. And that we all have our own appointed ones.

Psalm 1:3 "He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water,

That brings forth its fruit in ITS season,

Whose leaf also shall not wither;  And whatever he does shall prosper."

Every tree brings forth fruit in its own season. We don't expect peaches to be plentiful in winter because it's a summer fruit. We know this and wait patiently until summer when peaches are ripe, juicy and sweet. Different kinds of fruits ripen at different times of the year. 

So it is with our lives. While some are planting, others are flourishing. That's just the way life goes.  Even when it's not our season to bear fruit, we can rest assured that our leaf will not wither.

It's so easy to feel like we are withered up when fruit isn't hanging heavy from our limbs. But when we are planted by living waters, we are always being sustained and fed. Work is always being done....sometimes it's just underground.  

I'm taking comfort that seeds in my life are being nurtured underground right now and are taking root--even in the midst of what looks like unfruitfulness. 

"You’re blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. " Psalm 119:1 

I'm going to stay the course, despite feeling behind. 

It's often when we feel of course and fruitless that we are right on schedule. 

This is the little boy who grew up to be the man I married.

After 12 years of marriage and 16 years of knowing him, there is still lots about this man that I don’t know.

Just this week, I found out about the time he when he was 13 years old and got a gun held to his head by a grown man.

How could I not know this piece of information about the father of my children?

We all have parts of our lives that make up who we are and color how we react to those we are in relationship with. There are also pockets of our experience that rarely see the day of light but play a huge part in our interaction with people

Rewind back to 1981. Long Beach, California: where my husband was born and bred.

He was a junior high school student who happened upon an exchange between a new girl at school and a male student. The male student came up from behind and hit her in the back of the head. Her reaction to this unprovoked attacked was to cover her head and cower. My husband saw this and punched the much larger student and a scuffle ensued. Later, the student tracked him down with two friends and pummeled him in the back of a classroom—all while a teacher was in the class. He says he came to her rescue because he saw that she needed help. He even offered to walk her home to ensure her further safety. He says he wasn’t doing it to win her affection, but simply to help a new student as he had been the new student many times over. As he walked her home, they got egged by angry white boys yelling out "nigger lover."

Grateful for his help, the girl (who was white) invited him over for dinner as a kind gesture. He reluctantly accepted. When he arrived for dinner, he could see that the girl’s parents had no idea he was black. Dinner skipped along nicely, until it was over. That’s when the father asked the girl to help her mother clean up in the kitchen.

That’s when my husband says he felt steel on his temple. With a gun pressed to my husband’s head, the dad leaned in close and said, “Don’t come around my daughter ever again.” The father then told my husband to get up and leave the house. When he got back to school, the girl didn’t exist to him anymore—even when her friends came up to him and said he was wrong for “dissing” her after she extended an invitation to her home. My husband never spoke of what happened and the girl moved away shortly after that.

I could hardly believe that a grown man would do something like this to a child. My husband was 13 years old. Just a boy. Did the father know what deep scars he’d etched onto the soul of my husband and how that would play out in his life? Was he just trying to scare him off from his daughter or all white women? Did he even care that more than three decades later, this is something the little boy inside would still carry in pain?

"The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Proverbs 12:18

That man’s words and actions still pierce like a sword.

Just a day before he told me about this incident, a family member called and shared with me how she’d been told that we’d verbally scarred another family member when we were children. I was not only shocked to hear that we’d both hurt another family member—but it was so deep that they are still wary when in our company—even after all these years. Sometimes we scar others willfully and sometimes unintentionally.

We are all broken people living in a broken world. We’ve all inflicted hurt and been hurt. It’s part of living. Some scars we carry bring back a laugh—like the time I was seven years old and my cousin threw a rock through a tree hitting me square in the forehead. There was blood all over my face and he lied and said a group of kids had done it. We laugh about it now and I still have a small scar on my hairline from where the rock knicked me.

We scar and are scarred. We hold guns to other's heads and hearts with our words and actions. Yet we still survive. Thank God for the built in resilience that rises to the surface.

 I’m sure they’ll be a host of other things I’ll discover about my husband as the years roll on. He'll reveal more scars and bruises that I never knew existed. In the meantime, I'll celebrate the fact that he's come through to the other side. That I've come through and that eventually some of these scars will become strengths.

"So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation." I Peter 5:10

It creeps up out of nowhere and takes a hold of you when you thought you had a handle on it. It's like a wild animal. Unpredictable. Untamed. 

As I write this it’s been exactly 3 years, 10 months, and 4 days since my father passed away. 

1,404 days.

200 weeks and 4 days.

33,696 hours.

2,021,760 minutes.

However I count it up, it feels like a lifetime ago.

But some days it feels like just yesterday. 

A 1970s era photo of me and my Daddy. 

The other day I thought of him and felt tears starting to build up. The simple truth is I'm just a little girl missing her daddy. And I got angry that he's not here to see his grandchildren grow up. Mad that he never got to meet his granddaughter. He would have loved her. He was a big baby lover and loved being Papi. I was upset that I can't pick up the phone and chat with him about everything and nothing. 

Last night I walked in the boys’ room at bedtime and my oldest son was looking at a photo of he and my dad. He said he’d had a dream about him the night before. He was six years old when my father died, but his memories stretch beyond the six years they spent together.

And then the five year old said, “Papi never got to hear my words. The words I have now.” He was only a year and a half when my dad left.

Sigh.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. ” Matthew 5:4 

“Every suffering can be blessed because it hollows out a place in us for God and his comfort, which is infinite joy.” -Peter Kreeft, Back to Virtue

While I miss my father immensely, that hollowed out place is no longer tender. I handed over the pain, and God in turn carefully bandaged it up and healed it.

This counts for every hurt we face: loss of a relationship, brokenness over the past, sorrow over our sin and painful regrets.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

While my broken heart is mended and my wound has shed its bandages, there will always be a part of me that misses my father. Always. But the hollowed out place of losing him is now filled with precious memories. God is just good like that.

And I can now use my healing to help someone else. 

"All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Might there be a big loss in your life today? One that makes your eyes well up with tears when you think about it? Don’t allow grief and pain to wallow there. Instead, give it up to God and let him bless the empty space like only He can.

Every suffering can indeed be blessed. 

It all started earlier this week when the five-year-old asked me to turn up Radio Disney because his favorite song was on: Replay by Zendaya. Turns out the kid has good taste, I was soon hooked on the song too. Later that night, he asked me to find the video on Vevo. Surprisingly the video is awesome--thanks to the choreography. 

It was so good that I turned to Google to find out who the choreographer is.

Ian Eastwood. 

 A 20-year-old choreographer from Chicago who was a rising star on season 7 of MTV's America' s Best Dance Crew..among other things. 

And then we stumbled upon his YouTube channel & the video below (click this link if the video doesn't show up.)

The video pretty much speaks for itself. All things Ian Eastwood are in constant rotation in this household. I love that he's young and living out his dreams. Anyway, watch and thank me later...

This little baby is 14 months old. But the way she climbs on, under and into everything imaginable you’d think she was 4 years old or 14 years old. We are constantly finding her standing on top of chairs,  step stools without holding on, slipping herself behind the TV where the cords and plugs are, pulling on things from the counters or tables and we are forever pulling her away from electrical outlets or from inside some cramped box and other dangerous and ridiculous situations.

The house has been baby-proofed and we are vigilant about keeping an eye on her but all it takes is one second and she slips into a precarious situation. I know she doesn’t understand the danger she’s putting herself in. To her, she’s simply exploring but for us we know she could end up bruised or with broken bones.

Sometimes I shake my head when I realize how many times I have to remove this baby from yet another dangerous situation. I wonder whose DNA she has that makes her end up headlong in yet another predicament.

The other night, I put up a barricade to keep her from behind the television that she managed to get through. And I was beyond frustrated.

And just like the Holy Spirit always does, He whispered gently: “You’ve ended up in some dangerous places yourself too. Don’t get too frustrated with her.”

I have to admit. I’ve ended up in some forbidden places in the blink of an eye. 

Not the ones you may be thinking of. 

I’ve not been in some other man’s bed or arms. I haven’t been seen somewhere that I wouldn’t want to be seen.

Instead my heart has been known to wander into the wilderness that God has warned be about time and time before

Lately, it's been the wilderness of worry. And I know full well, I don't belong there. The Bible warns: “Anxiety weighs down the heart.” Plus, we've been given a promise that God will always take care of us so worry is useless. Time and again, He's taken care of me

--even as I worried.

There are quite a few other places that are just as dangerous that I've found myself in times past and some more recently than I care to admit:

Jealousy/Envy 

I know no one reading deals with this one. But I admit I stumble into this forbidden territory far too often. The only way to kick this habit that I’ve found is to admit it to the Lord, ask Him to forgive, and then pray that He would help me to see my life from His perspective. Proverbs 27:4 says:  "Anger is cruel, and wrath is like a flood, but jealousy is even more dangerous."

Unforgiveness 

This is a hard one. I don't know how many times I've cloaked forgiveness with avoidance or mock forgiveness (I can smile and nod at your like I've forgiven you but my heart says otherwise.) I avoid the person saying I'm protecting myself when I'm really just walking in unforgiveness. I recently read an excellent book on the topic: Unconditional by Brian Zahnd There really is a beauty and freedom in forgiveness that few talk or teach about.

Compromise

Who hasn't been there? I think of all the times I've compromised by beliefs because of silly reasons: they'll think I'm too holy, it's not that big of a deal, I'm scared to stand firmly on what I believe. The scary part about this is that when we keep riding that slippery slope of compromise eventually the slope runs out and there is no more sacrifice for sin. "Dear friends, if we deliberately continue sinning after we have received knowledge of the truth, there is no longer any sacrifice that will cover these sins." Scary and dangerous. 

Pride 

This is a tricky one. Pride is a chameleon that often masks itself. We often say we are doing something for one reason, but God knows the true motive. It can reveal itself in a myriad of ways:

1. Acting independently from God (Gen 3:6; Ezek 28:2; Ps 10:4; Obad 1:3)
2. Being self-sufficient (1 Sam 2:3; Rev 3:16-18)
3. Lack of prayer (1 Sam 12:23; 2 Cor 12:7-8)
4. Lying lips and cursing (Ps. 31:18; 59:12)
5. Violent behavior (Ps 73:6; Isa 13:11; Zech 9:6-7)
6. Patting oneself on the back when God should get the glory (Dan 4:28-30)
7. Boasting about the future (Isa. 16:6; Jas 4:16)
8. Determining the importance of a person based upon outward appearance (2 Cor 5:12)
9. Praising oneself to others or subtly soliciting their praise (Prov 27:2)
10. Judgmental, critical, unforgiving spirit (Matt 7:1-5; 18:21-35)
11. Biblical knowledge that lacks biblical love (1 Cor 8:1)
12. Spiritual adultery, i.e. worldliness (James 4:4-10)

I’ve lived out a number of these sadly. The older I get the less I desire to live life on the edge. These days it’s all about living in the center of God’s will. So the next time I have to pull this little girl from some dangerous or crazy situation, I’ll use it as reminder that my heart has often been in the same predicament.

The summer before kindergarten

Tomorrow this little guy will be a kindergartner. 

I can tell he's excited...and very nervous. 

I'd sort of discounted the nervous part because we've done this before. We'll, I've done this before...with my oldest son. But that's not the same thing.  Then it hit me, how middle kids get lost in the shuffle of been-there-done-that or this-is-the-last-time-I'll-be-doing-this so let me make it special for the youngest. Oldest children get all the awards while the baby of the family gets all the love. What's left for the middle child?

We don't want to do that to him. 

So I'm answering every question with great attention. 

Giving weight to his every single one of his concerns.

The other day he asked, "Will everyone know I'm the little brother?" 

I surely don't want him to get labeled younger brother or middle child. I want his light to shine big and bright. Never do I want his light to be diminished because he's standing in his big brother's shadow.

I told him I'm sure some will students will know who his older brother is. 

"What matters is that you are the best you that you can be," I told him. 

As a younger brother, I know he finds security in seeking approval and guidance from his big brother who's already been there and navigated what can look like scary waters to a five year old.

He's got his own path to ignite.  He has a light in him that cannot and won't be dimmed....not on my watch. He needs to know that he can shine individually.

And I plan to fan his flame as best I can.

Earlier this year, I got the Roku HD  with some credit card rewards I had. I wanted to test out what was offered in the streaming world.  We loved it. However, the boys threw a bit of a fit when they found out Cartoon Network was going to be cut when cable got booted but we found a work-around. (More on that later.)

I am a TV junkie. But I’ve been able to keep up with all of my shows with the exception of the OWN Network. Now that I'm past the withdrawal stage I am living nicely without it. 

Here’s our current set up.

Roku

We have two Roku boxes. A Roku HD in the bedroom and the Roku 2XD hooked up to our Vizio HDTV in the den.

A few of our Roku channels

We currently have Netflix and Hulu Plus subscriptions. I like Hulu Plus because it runs a lot of network shows like Scandal and Nashville which air on ABC. Because I can’t always watch them live, I use Hulu Plus like I would a DVR and watch them later. I also added some private channels to the Roku to add more content such as Nowhere TV which streams our local news (helpful for the bedroom TV which has no antenna) and PLEX, which features A&E, HGTV and ABC Family among others. I added the Twonky Beam app to my iPhone which lets us watch YouTube videos on the Roku via the Twonky channel. And the boys love playing Angry Birds on the Roku 2XD on the big screen.

What I like about the Roku is that it has an iPhone app remote so when the boys or the baby misplace the replace Roku remote, all is not lost.

Local TV

I bought a $25 antenna from Radio Shack for the HDTV in the den. Our TV, like most late model HDTVs has a built-in tuner so as soon as the antenna was hooked up, I scanned for channels and was surprised at how many over the air (OTA) channels there are and many are in HD. I checked the Digital TV map to see what kind of coverage I would get before buying the antenna. My mother asked how much I was paying for these channels. I had to chuckle. How quickly we forget that OTA channels have always been free. And there are a lot of good shows on network TV.

Apple TV

I received an Apple TV as a birthday gift in July and it’s now the family gift. We all use it as its in the den. It features the standards like Hulu Plus, Netflix & YouTube. They recently added Disney, Smithsonian and Vevo.

Hands down, our favorite feature is AirPlay. AirPlay lets you wirelessly stream music, videos, pictures, AirPlay compatible apps and web video on your iPhone or iPad to the HDTV and speakers via Apple TV. Or you can mirror exactly what’s on the iPhone/iPad display to the big screen. The boys downloaded the Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network apps to their iPhone and can watch their favorite shows. I also use AirPlay to watch CNN. (All of these apps are AirPlay compatible) I have to admit that this is where we cheat. We use my mother or sister’s cable subscription log-in information to sign in and watch full episodes with these apps. (with their permission of course).

MacBook Pro

I have a MacBook that I bought back in 2009. While it doesn’t have AirPlay built in like the latest models, I still use it a lot to watch many of my shows. I use a Mini Display Port DVI adapter to connect it to the HDTV (a separate cord is needed for audio for older model MacBooks like mine) and watch shows from websites that show full episodes such as VH1, MTV and TVOne. (There are adapters for PCs as well.) I also use the Rowmote app on my iPhone to control the MacBook from the couch. 

The Safari browser on my MacBook has a cool plug-in called ClickToPlugin that lets me send website videos via AirPlay to Apple TV. I watch a lot of shows on  www.AllShowsDaily.com this way. The selection of shows is great but some videos are not compatible and just won't work.

I just got hip to Google Chromecast which looks like it will replace me having to hook up my MacBook up to the TV.

Wii/3DS

The boys watch Netflix, YouTube (mainly Favorites they've saved) and Hulu Plus on the Wii in their bedroom occassionally. They can usually be found watching Netflix on their 3DS when they aren't playing a video game on it.   

So that’s how we are living without cable. It’s been an adjustment but with a little research & some tweaking, we don’t miss it one bit.

Chrysta and Christopher. 

I love the relationship that is developing between these two. She's so different with him than she is with me. She's daddy's little girl.

Already I'm seeing so much of him in her. Her persistence. Her fight. Her sense of humor. Her intelligence. I pray that what is developing between them grows bigger and brighter. Most importantly, I hope there is never a breach in their relationship. 

I know all too well the daddy-daughter breach. I had one with my dad. I wrote about it here.  And while God mended what was broken, I know there was some internal damage I suffered because of it. I never want that for this little girl. 

In her book, After Forever Ends Melodie Ramone wrote “I had a daddy, didn't I? He wasn't perfect and he certainly wasn't the one I'd dreamed he would have been, but I had one all the same. And I'd love him as much as I'd hated him, hadn't I? All that distance, all that time wasted, but the fact that he'd inspired such passion in me meant something in itself. I can honestly say now that I think that's special. Screwed up and turned inside out, we were special him and me, and I am so thankful that I can say that I had a daddy and that he mattered. All his faults and failures mean nothing to me now.” 

I could have written that paragraph. As imperfect as my daddy was, his mess-ups mean nothing now. However, his love meant (and still means) everything to me. Love truly covers a multitude of sins.

Girls need their daddies...and more than most women care to admit. It's from our daddies that we learn how to appreciate our beauty (inside & out) without throwing it in people's faces because beauty has already been affirmed by our daddies. With daddies we learn to navigate the mysterious waters of masculinity. Girls draw conclusions about what men are like from their fathers.  It's with daddies that we learn that self worth comes from being ourselves instead of what we can offer. It's from our daddies that us daughters learn what protection looks and feels like.    

My husband is by no means a perfect man. But I know that his love for our daughter will always be perfect and I pray that she knows this...and learns to rest in this truth.

"So fathers, be good to your daughters

Daughters will love like you do."

-from John Mayer's song "Daughters" 

We sacrifice those pair of shoes because the little people need shoes and uniforms and the list goes on. 

We give up that girls night out because a child is sick. 

Or cut back on some splurges because of tuition and daycare costs. 

That's the situation we found ourselves in last week. Life with 3 kids living in Southern California is expensive. Two kids in private school and a baby in daycare adds up. So we were faced with a hard choice: pulling the boys out of school. The decision made my husband and I sick to our stomachs. The nine-year-old LOVES school. We love the school. The environment is great and the boys have thrived there educationally and spiritually. My eldest is the kid who has cried on the last day of school every year (except for last year--miraculously). School brings him extreme joy. Needless to say, it was not any easy choice.

Picking up the phone to call his school to un-enroll them was like pulling a gray cloud over my own head. When the office assistant asked why I had to tell her we just couldn't afford it anymore with the addition of kid #3.

 "We offer tuition assistance," she said. "Would you like to apply?"

That question was like a little sliver of sunshine. 

"Yes!" 

It was a nerve wracking three days while we waited for the answer. And when the answer came, that gray cloud came back. We didn't get approved for the amount we requested. 

*Sigh* 

However, a second look at the numbers in the budget revealed that we could do it...but not without a sacrifice. Today, the boys tuition was paid and all without them knowing the angst that went along with it.

"Parenting is not for sissies. You have to sacrifice and grow up." - Jillian Michaels

Us and the little people who we joyfully sacrifice for.

It had never crossed my mind to ask about tuition assistance, but it crossed the office assistant's mind to bring it up. Sometimes God drops little surprises across our paths to remind us that He's looking out for us. 

Here's a little of what we've been up to. 

Nine year old won a fish at a family fun day at the baby's daycare. Imagine my surprise when I saw him with it. That fish is his responsibility and so far he's stepped up to the plate.

Meet Gubbles.

Baby girl has been a dancing/walking machine lately.  Click the mic in the top  left corner if sound is not playing.

Daddy enrolled the boys in Jiu-Jitsu class since a guy teaches it at his gym. They love it so far.  They're learning self-defense and having fun doing it.

Baby girl caught a wicked cold and the boys were determined not to catch it. 

Baby girl didn't want to stop playing in this circus tent from IKEA so my sister did what any good aunt would do. She bought it. Now we have a big circus tent in our den. 

What's good in your 'hood? 

Already, I can feel the burden of being a good example to her.  It's a good burden, but not one I take lightly. I want to live it out in a practical way for her.  

In his book, Family First Family First: Your Step-by-Step Plan for Creating a Phenomenal Family : Dr. Phil McGraw says: "The most powerful role model in any child's life is the same-sex parent. It's a fact that children learn vicariously by observing the behavior of others and noting the consequences of their actions. They watch what happens to family members when they succeed or fail and those experiences become a reference for how they live. This is known as modeling."

I grew up with some great women to model myself after. Women who were awesome wives and mothers. Women who were successful in their careers. Most importantly, women who loved and LIVED Jesus Christ.

They taught me about: 

Holiness.

Purity.

Modesty. 

Biblical womanhood. 

These are not popular topics...even among today's "Christian" women. In fact, if you wholeheartedly believe in and live out these traits you'll likely be labeled legalistic or just old-fashioned. Instead of turning to the Bible as the blueprint for what it means to be a woman, many turn to television, magazines, their friends or where their heart leads them.

A lot of women today are living out womanhood according to Love and Hip Hop Atlanta or Basketball Wives or __________ insert any reality show where the women fight, cuss and are wearing the latest designer clothes while doing it. Many of these shows focus on women's lives where:

Sex and money rule.

Marriage is undervalued. 

Fighting, cussing is the norm.

Career trumps home. 

And if you've seen an episode of any of these shows, you can add your items to the list.

While the world is parading their definition of womanhood in our faces, I want to present biblical womanhood to this little girl of ours as best I can. I want her to know these things:

• According to Genesis 1, a woman was designed to be a "helper" which is nothing to look down upon. Today's women look at being a helper as a second-class citizen. Eve was not created above or below Adam; she was complementary. She was created from his rib (which is a strong piece) and taken from his side. Adam was given a fitting companion. Eve was “just right” for him.  Women, we are not The Help i.e. nannies, maids or cooks, we are divinely created and gifted complements to the men we marry. Most women I know don't want to be a helper to a man. They want to be the leader, but that's not how we were created.
• The value of purity, modesty, and chastity. These days if you are a virgin until marriage something must be wrong with you and "trying before you buy" is the norm.
• Submission is not a bad word and there are limits to submission (not to submit to sin or abuse).
• The beauty of marriage, motherhood, homemaking. The older women I knew were always teaching us younger women how to build our houses and not tear them down.
• The value of inner beauty that lasts forever. 
  

• How to cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit. These days women have abandoned these traits in favor of being brash, argumentative and loud in an effort to be heard and not be viewed as a pushover. They're quick to jump in your face if you cross them wrong and have un-teachable spirits. However, having a gentle and quiet spirit does not mean being a wimp. It means we can be confident but not forceful.  Outspoken but humble. And slow to speak, communicating Scriptural truth and wisdom.

While this list is counter-cultural, I hope to instill in this little girl, who has been gifted to us, the courage to live life against the grain at times. Of course, I've got a long road ahead of me. I don't want to raise a basketball wife or a lady of love and hip-hop. I don't even want to raise a good girl. I'm shooting for raising a Godly girl. May I not just preach this to her, but be a living example as well. 

“Our conduct has a direct influence on how people think about the gospel. The world doesn't judge us by our theology; the world judges us by our behavior. People don't necessarily want to know what we believe about the Bible. They want to see if what we believe makes a difference in our lives. Our actions either bring glory to God or misrepresent His truth.”  
  ― Carolyn Mahaney from the book Feminine Appeal    

It's Monday. Time to work it!!

Just discovered that Starbucks has a secret menu. It's on now. The Nutella looks yummy. (In fact, there's a whole website dedicated to all things secret about Starbucks.)

Been following the blog of Sarah Danaher, a D.C.-based photographer for a few years now. She gets married this week and shared her engagement story a while back. I laughed, rejoiced with her and was close to tears. Such a sweet and God-honoring post. 

Someone learned how to give the side eye. The teenage years are gonna be a blast.

Need a visual of true love? This couple has been married for 50 years and shows its. Click the link here if the video doesn't appear below

A Little Housekeeping...

Ever wish you could push ctrl + alt + del on your life?

This week started off with one of those mornings where I wish I could have a do-over.

I yelled at the boys. 

We were running late. 

Then we get to the 5 year old's doctor appointment and they forgot about us. 

By the time I'd dropped kid #3 off, I felt like a disheveled mess and the only thing I wanted to do was crawl back into bed.  On my way out of the nursery after dropping the baby off, I ran into a co-worker who wanted to chat. 

*Sigh* 

I plastered on a smile. 

 "You look great. I love those colors on you," she beamed.

I looked down at myself and realized I hadn't even looked in the full-length mirror before leaving. But I guess I'd managed to pull together something worthy of a compliment. 

We caught up for a few moments as she asked about the kids. As we parted, she said, "You always have it together."

That's when I almost wept. 

I wanted to scream, "No, I don't have it all together." 

Instead, I just politely smiled and told her I don't, but I appreciated her comment. 

"No," she insisted. "You really do always have it all together." 

She didn't know the havoc that went on that morning.

That the house was a mess. 

Laundry was left in piles to be folded. 

I yelled at the boys. 

Dirty dishes were piled in the sink. 

I had no idea what was for dinner that night. 

I'd picked out the outfit I had on from a pile of clean clothes at the foot of my bed that I didn't get a chance to hang up.

And the list goes on and on... 

At the moment, I felt like a failure because I knew that what she said about me didn't match up with my reality.

As I made my way to the office, I whispered to myself and maybe more so to God, "I'm so grateful that I don't look like what I've been through."

That's grace. 

Going through the fire and not smelling like smoke. 

Going through the water and coming out dry. 

The last few years have been hard. Some heartbreaking. One day I will share my whole story. I'm a private person by nature so sharing my every day trials is not something that comes naturally. But I'm just so thankful that the hard years haven't broken me and made me look worse for the wear. 

There are many like that...who wear what they've been through on their faces. It sits on their shoulders like an ill-fitting winter coat two tims too big.

Thank God that He takes our burdens and carries them for us. 

"Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23 (NKJV)

A few links to share that Made Me Smile

Knowing When It's Time To Surrender the Vision: Sometimes God delivers an on-time word. This article was mine this week "But I’m here to tell you that the answer is not to quit and give up. The answer is to surrender."

How To Talk to Little Girls: As a new mom to a daughter, I found this read very insightful.  And it's actually great advice for anyone dealing with little girls: "engage them about something other than their physical appearance."

Stumbled upon this site called Advanced Style where the blogger takes pics of stylish older people he crosses paths with in the streets. So fun to view. 

Instagram and Self-esteem: interesting read over at Slate. 

Lessons Learned from an 80 Year Old

This weekend I joined the boys for a trip to Sky Zone. It's one of their favorite places. The biggest boy had the most fun. Brought such a smile to my face. Click this link to see the video if it doesn't appear below.

Loose Ends....

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